tavainimene

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Posted in * by tavainimene on 20/12/2010

Adolf Hitler: Because it was his racial destiny to expand his Chickensraum.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Andersen Consulting: Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes.

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

Arthur Dent: Why did the chicken cross the road? 42? No, that doesn’t make sense.

Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

Basil Fawlty: Oh, don’t mind that chicken. It’s from Barcelona.

Bill Clinton: What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

Bill Gates: Our soon-to-be-released Chicken 2010 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.

Bob Dylan: How many roads must one chicken cross?

Buddha: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

C Programmer: cross_road() was called from get_other_side()

C++ Programmer: chicken->CrossRoad() was called from chicken->GetOtherSide()

Caesar: To come, to see, to conquer.

Candide: To cultivate its garden.

Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Charles Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

Chaucer: So priketh hem nature in hir corages.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

Constable: To get a better view.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

David Icke: It wasn’t a chicken; it was a shape shifting lizard.

Donne: It crosseth for thee.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

 

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. Alone. In the rain.

Erwin Schrodinger: Until you actually observe the chicken, it exists in a superposition of both crossed and uncrossed states.

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

George W. Bush: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

Goethe: Es irrt das Huhn, solang es die Straße übergeht.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road and, by gosh, that was good enough for us!

Groucho Marx: Chicken? What’s all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

Hamlet: To cross, or not to cross, that is the question.

Hari Seldon: It’s part of the Plan.

Hillary Clinton: That’s what I’d like to know. Why DID the chicken cross the road?! But this administration is operating in secrecy, witholding important information from the American people, about how many chickens crossed the road and why they crossed it.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

Immanuel Kant: Because it was a duty.

Isaac Newton: For that one crossing, there is an equal and opposite crossing occurring simultaneously.

Jack Nicholson: ‘Cause it (censored) wanted to. That’s the (censored) reason.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism Is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!

Jacques Lacan: Because of its desire for object a.

James Joyce: Once upon a time, a nicens little chicken named baby tuckoo crossed the road and met a moocow coming down.

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?

John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

Joseph Conrad: Mistah Chicken, he dead.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

King Lear: As roads to wanton chickens are we to the gods; they cross us for their sport.

Krishnamurti: To demonstrate that there is no duality of This side and That side unless you think.

Lao-tse: If I told you, it would prove I don’t know.

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken „crossed“ the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of “crossing” was encoded into the objects “chicken” and “road”, and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

M.C. Escher: Are you so sure he really crossed it? Look again..

Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o’er.

Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Mae West: I invited it to come up and see me sometime.

Margaret Thatcher: There was no alternative.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Marketing division of Microsoft Corporation: Where does your chicken want to go today?

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Marvin: The other side is just as dull as this one. Don’t talk to me about chickens.

Michael Schumacher: It was an instinctive maneuver, the chicken obviously didn’t see the road until he had already started to cross.

Michel Foucault: It did so because the dicourse of crossing the road left it no choice; the police state was oppressing it.

Moses: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, „Thou shalt cross the road.“And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Mr. T: If you saw me coming, you’d cross the road too!

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Official Chicken Representative: Because he wanted to. Do you not think that maybe chickens have rights too? If you crossed the road no one would question you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

Oliver Stone: The question is not, „Why did the chicken cross the road?“ Rather, it is, „Who was crossing the road at the sametime, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?“

Omar Khayyám:
I sent my Chicken across the Road,
Some Letter of that Other-side to download:
And by and by my Chicken return’d to me,
And answer’d: “I Myself am Princess and Toad:”

Oprah Winfrey: He was reacting to a repressed traumatic caponisation in his childhood which he will now share with us in detail.

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One’s social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience – although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.

Othello: Jealousy.

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American.

Physicist: Because the chicken’s momentum had a positive component towards the other side of the road.

Pierre de Fermat: I just don’t have room here to give the full explanation.

Plato: For the greater good.

Pyrrho The Skeptic: What road?

Quantum Physicist: Because you measured its momentum too precisely.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.

Rene Descartes: It had sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.

Richard Dawkins: Because of the selfishness of the road-crossing meme.

Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

Robert Frost: To cross the road less traveled by.

Roland Barthes: The chicken wanted to expose the myth of the road.

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

Salvador Dali: The fish.

Sigmund Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying insecurity.

Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?

Supreme Soviet: There has never been a chicken in this photograph.

Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.

Zeno Of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

The Godfather: I didn’t want its mother to see it like that.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Thermodynamist: Because the pressure of chickens was greater on this side of the road, and the chicken’s crossing made the entropy greater.

Thomas De Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.

Voltaire: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

William Shakespeare: I don’t know why, but methinks I could rattle off a hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.

Wolfgang Von Beethoven: What? Speak up.

Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.

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